Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

From the Conservative Party website…

July 22, 2010

…still

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Perfect example of Government Waste?

May 1, 2010

Its one of the few times I agree with David Cameron.

Seward left out in the cold

May 1, 2010

William Seward was left reeling late last night as it emerged that he claimed Alaska on his expenses. Investigation of Seward’s receipts by the Daily Telegraph have revealed that he charged the $7.2 million chunk of land to his expenses account and attempted to hide it by claiming it as his second home.

“As far as I am concerned and as of this day I don’t know what the fuss is about,” snarled Seward.

“It’s not particularly attractive, it just does me nicely and it’s got room to actually plant a few trees.”

“I think I behaved, if I may say so, impeccably. I have done nothing criminal, that’s the most awful thing, and do you know what its about? Jealousy.”

President Johnson has not commented on the matter but is thought to be furious and considering to effectively end Seward’s political career, appointing him as Governor of the new territory of Alaska.

Lack of Rovian style

March 12, 2010

Above Karl Rove on U.S TV left, and U.K TV right. I don’t know why appearing on British TV actually made him look more British.

Brown on U.S TV left, and U.K right.

And once again the beautiful difference in appearance emphasis in the U.S and U.K.

Troy Government under fire from Gifts Watchdog

February 28, 2010

The Government of Troy came under immense pressure last night after it emerged that it did not declare a gift received from the Greek Army. The Government has admitted that the 30ft horse was reward for victory in the siege of Troy and that it will now re-submit their accounts to the gifts watchdog.

The Government’s admission will boost Laocoon, who has long campaigned against receiving such gifts, especially from Greeks.

Sources close to the Government have claimed that Priam has suggested that the horse may have been plot by the Greek Army to ensnare Troy in an expenses scandal.

King Priam was unavailable for comment last night.

Of course in those days the internet was in black and white

February 25, 2010

I’d love to see Armando Iannucci get an Oscar next week for In The Loop, mainly because he’s responsible for this great bit of comedy in which he interviews a 90 year old man about his memories of, amongst other things, logging on to letsbuyit.com during the war and buying a pound of tripe and a gas mask.  Enjoy.

Inner City Life

February 20, 2010

Lets have a quick look at the top New Zealand stories. Brilliant.

They remind me of a child, someone who is treated similar to everyone else yet has no responsibility whatsoever.

…and if elected, I will not serve.. and haven’t you noticed how…

February 16, 2010

If Sen. Bayh wants to ensure people take his Shermanesque statement seriously he could always just include a racist joke when asked whether he will run.

Assorted Link

February 15, 2010

Go see these wonderful series of videos on business in China by James  Fallows and understand:

Why Dominoes failed and Pizza Hut succeeded in China

Why to never trust any facts or figures in China

How making a business deal requires the ability to be able to drink plenty of beer

How China are outsourcing their marketing to the U.S

Why even the top businesses have a 30% annual turnover in employees

How estimates of China’s population have a margin of error equal to the entire population of the U.S

How the ability to wash  fruit and veg in your washing machine proves the innovation of China

Why John Edwards could launch a more intellectually honest  campaign in China (see two Americas)

Why Sarah Palin could launch a more intellectually honest campaign in China (see Eastern  elites)

Happy Birthday Lincoln

February 12, 2010

If he hadn’t have been shot he would be celebrating his 201st birthday today

Quarterly Report

February 11, 2010

Unexpected events such as the nice little link from MR have made it a steady first three months, however, the blog has continued to bump along the bottom, and a gradual increase in quality of output may now be in prospect.

Can I just point out…

February 7, 2010

1 out of 3 so far

My favourite headline of the week

February 6, 2010

I love the BBC but if it’s just going to start anticipating people’s reaction to stories that haven’t happened yet why don’t they do it for other events as well. Here’s a few they can put up now:

‘Chelsea fans jubilant after their 2-0 win over Arsenal tomorrow’

‘Britain optimistic after Conservative General Election landslide’

‘Boredom anticipated ahead of Lost finale’

Blinded by stubbornness

February 3, 2010

‘…a certain number of people stumbled down a dark staircase that led to a twisted path. Blinded by stubbornness, they pressed on through years of such strange turns and illogical leaps that by now they find themselves speaking from a place that no longer seems to me to be part of America, or of the civilisation of the Western Enlightenment. I don’t know where they’re at, and I don’t care.’

DiA on not the viewership of Two and Half Men as I first thought, but an accurate portrayal of the supporters of torture.

Vice Versa

February 3, 2010

When I first heard of a Vice guide to Liberia, I thought it would involve the magazine pointing out how Africans are nowhere near as cool as themselves, but it’s actually pretty good.

Difficult second series

January 30, 2010

Unfortunately the ‘Ways to scare a Hairdresser’ series has been cancelled. It is the view of the blog that it was unfunny, not very clever and appeared to be patronising.

It will however be available for syndication.

Ways to scare a Hairdresser#1

January 29, 2010

A couple of minutes in, ask ‘have I ever explained to you Austrian Economics?’

(unless you are getting your haircut in Vienna and the barber has shares in the stock market)

SLR Announces Plans for a Metered Model for selfloathingreview.wordpress.com

January 28, 2010

Due to the increased traffic this blog is now receiving thanks to the link from the brilliant Marginal Revolution, I am now announcing that selfloathingreview.wordpress.com will be introducing a paid model at the beginning of 2011.

The new approach, referred to as the metered model, will offer users free access to a set number of articles per month and then charge users once they exceed that number.

SLR editor, Martin Fleet said “This process of rethinking our business model has also been driven by our desire to achieve additional revenue diversity that will make us less susceptible to the inevitable economic cycles,”

More details regarding the metered model will be available in the coming months.

Mr Smith goes to Washington…

January 23, 2010

With Senators and Representatives now considering not to pass healthcare because it would threaten their re-elections, why don’t they just be honest on their campaign posters.

Top Ten News Events Of The Noughties (1700’s)

December 31, 2009

O.K, I recognise the last post wasn’t thought out entirely. However, I know at least, that news did happen before 1888.

And so, the top ten news events of the decade as seen in 1710.

1. 1709 Global Warming proven a con when the Great Frost of 1709 took hold.

2. 1702 The publishing of the first daily newspaper poses a serious challenge to the word of the mouth industry.

3. 1707 The presciently named War of 27 years ends 27 years after starting.

4. 1710 Edmond Halley’s Synopsis Astronomica Cometicae voted best Fiction book of the decade.

5. 1707 Act of Union passes jeopardising the possibility of a future British Olympic football team.

6. 1704 Newton’s long awaited follow up to Principia Mathematica sells poorly despite receiving critical acclaim.

7. 1700 Russia, Denmark and Saxony attack Sweden starting the disastrous Great Northern War, which thankfully looks like it’s coming to an end.

8. 1701-present Family dispute continues to kill millions.

9. 1710 Third of Swedish population refuse plague vaccination. Third of Swedish population die.

10. 1704 End Of Japan’s Golden Age, fear of lost century.

Top 10 Films Of The Noughties (1700’s)

December 28, 2009

Obviously there are a lot of top ten of the decades lists popping up, and because I am adverse to competition, I’m going back 300 years to the start of the 18th century instead.

So to kick us off, the top 10 films of the decade.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Pending approval

December 28, 2009

If I could get one idea peer reviewed, it would probably be ‘What percentage of chewing gum sales are due to someone wanting change?’ All I need now is a couple of referees.

Dame Clive Owen

December 19, 2009

If there is one example of Coventry’s (where I was born) mediocrity, its that it’s pantomime celebrities were made celebrities by appearing in pantomime.

Is dark matter what keeps the Rolling Stones together?

December 17, 2009

I actually photographed dark matter once in my garden, but I forgot to put the flash on, so I’m quite pissed of that these guys are going to get all the credit and women.

Is Robert Duvall the only person whos looks like he’s been aged by one of those computer ageing software programs that predict how you will look in 30 years time?

December 17, 2009

How you doin?

December 17, 2009

I’ve been wondering recently what does this blog need to spice it up a little. Maybe a new background colour I thought, or a different font, something in the Ariel category perhaps. Then it hit me, I didn’t need to make drastic changes like that and compromise my art. I’ll have a blog catchphrase.

So after screwing up loads of pieces of paper and throwing them in and around the bin, I can now announce my new blog catchphrase.

“You forgot to bloody cook the thing !”

Type 2

December 1, 2009

When I was about 10, my Nan used to take me round all the rough areas of the city and tell me that if I didn’t work hard enough at school, this is where I would end up.

She recently got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

So now I take her round the graveyard and inform her that if she don’t lose some weight pretty sharpish, this is where she’ll end up.

If theres one thing the Iraq Inquiry has taught us…

November 26, 2009

…it’s that Christopher Meyer still likes a little bit of attention

Smoking Is Good For You

November 26, 2009

Sometimes I have to get the bus. It’s a dreadful experience.  Twice now, the driver with a Confederate flag tattoo on his arm has drove the bus.

It’s ridiculous. Is he pro slavery? Has he confused Birmingham, West Midlands with Birmingham, Alabama? Back at the station does he secretly play around with a ‘colored section’ sign on the bus? Or is he a thick twat who sees himself as a contrarian.

He might have other tattoos in support of other outdated ideas on his body.

Maybe he has a tattoo of a flat earth on his right arm, nine planets on his back and Ben Johnson’s 100m record on his arse.

Or maybe he’s just a little bit racist.

There’s apps for everything

November 26, 2009

Picture the scene. You’re sitting at a bus stop next to a girl with average to above average looks. You want to strike up conversation but you’re not sure if her self esteem is that low. If only there was some way of knowing that she was single, thought you were alright looking and open to a bit conversation.

Congratulations, you’ve just discovered my new iphone app called Slightly Raise Your Leg And Other Coded Messages To Get Someone To Talk To You.

Here’s the premise. Every week, there is a new coded message chosen, by me, for the international sign that its perfectly O.K to say hello. You check you’re iphone, you make the sign, you have a chat, you get married. Perfect. (Sequences shortened or edited)

I’ve thought of the first few myself coz im a bit of a polymath you see.

Week 1: Slightly raise your left leg.

Week 2: Put your phone to your ear and mutter how it’s funny that Lenny Henry won best stage newcomer.

Week 3: Slightly raise your right leg.

Obviously not everyone has an iphone. I don’t. So this is only phase 1 of my campaign to make my life a little easier. Later phases involve instructions in national newspapers, on billboards and TV.

Price £1.99

Jumbo Dumbo

November 23, 2009

From a big mass of nothingness came these two extraordinary little fellers.

And  I don’t mean Flaminals,

My brains have dropped out

November 13, 2009

As opposed to Jehovah Witnesses knocking on my door on my day off, like this morning, I’d much prefer it if Richard Dawkins were going door to door with a copy of The God Delusion asking, ‘Hello, have you ever considered Atheism?’.

But it’s not going to happen, he’s too busy.

The tower I’m in is collapsing

November 12, 2009

A very brave and ultimately brilliant piece of comedy.

Enjoy

Crime Reduction?

November 11, 2009

In a weatherspoons near me, they’ve installed one of those Boxing machines. You know t12748-coin-operated-arcade-machines-punch-bag-boxing-amusement-game-machine-1he ones where really hard guys stand round punching it to see how really hard they are.

Well, apparently, according to a friend of mine, there has been a reduction in fights inside and outside of the club because people take their aggression out on the machine rather than each others faces.

Which made me think, could a raping machine peform a similar function?

My self importance needed improving…

November 11, 2009

…so I started a blog. I know, I’m an idiot. I dont know why im bothering to be honest.

Since the trouble with the first post is the danger of defining the rest of the content for ever,  I hope the trajectory of the blog will follow one of the following:

Quest

Voyage and return

Comedy

Overcoming the monster

Tradegy

Rebirth

Rags to riches

Silly

(Thanks Tyler Cowen)